surreal in the best way
In this moment, this exact moment, I feel as if time has switched and suddenly reversed on me. Instead of progressing forward, we are slowly making our way back in time. My hours are increasing instead of decreasing at work, school has gone from occupying two days of my week to none, and slowly but surely items are being packed away instead of out on display. It’s odd, weird in the best possible way, because it means that the end of the year has come, and with it, the end of a chapter that has been the last nine months of my life. A chapter that I am sad to see close but leaves me breathless for what is to come.
I’ve experienced so much in this past chapter of my life that it almost seems hard to remember what has happened. Big events stand as time markers in a blur of excitement in learning about my God and growing in every aspect of my life. How can I possibly begin to reflect on things that can’t stand alone, what by themselves are just a word that put together create the sentences and paragraphs and pages of the chapter that I am currently in the last pages of?
The answer is simple: I can’t. There is no possible way for me to somehow reflect on the events that occurred over the course of this year in a way that would do them justice, would allow you to understand just how much they have meant to me and how they have impacted my life. There isn’t a way that I could use words that we understand to describe these events. If only you could feel what I feel when I look back on this year, then maybe you would have an inkling of what I honestly think about my currently closing chapter.
So what happens when you reach such a pivotal point in the end of your chapter, where you can choose to face what’s coming with a grin, or mourn what has passed. If you’re anything like me, you choose the first option. I know that this past year has been fantastic in ways I can’t possibly begin to describe with words; my writing skills aren’t good enough to give those feelings justice. I know this past year has been something special, something God driven to the point of almost being insane, and I know I have been blessed in every area of my life.
And yes, I am sad that this chapter is ending. I’m sad that I am never going to live with the group of girls I am currently living with again, and next year won’t be the same without them in it. I’m sad that things are moving forward, but instead of moping about in my sadness, I am choosing to embrace what has brought my sadness about: change.
Change is good, change is where we are always meant to be. Change is what drives the plot of our lives forward, makes us progress as characters in the narratives that we call our lives. Change is what God has planned for us. We are not static characters meant to always stay the same. We are ever growing, ever developing, ever moving in this life that He has made for us.
As I write this, I am watching my roommate pack, which is… surreal. Surreal because it feels like just yesterday, it was reverse. I was sitting in my bed, already unpacked, watching her and her mother bring her things into our apartment. It’s cliche to say that time flies, especially when you’re having fun, but it feels so true in this moment, watching her pack her things, sorting them into a somewhat organized chaotic mess.
In some ways, when you look back at a chapter, the sentences seem messy and unorganized and don’t flow. The flow comes through editing and hard work and rereading and then reading it again once more just to be sure that yes, that comma does belong in that spot. The point I am trying to make is that this chapter, to most of the world, has looked messy and chaotic with a few points of clarity thrown into the mix. I mean, it’s not like every person decides to interrupt their college pathway for two years to enter into a discipleship program.
But from my point of view, standing among the piles of clothing and packed away mementos from this year, it’s the clearest thing I have ever seen.
God has put down the pen on this chapter of my life, but the book isn’t shut. There’s another blank page just around the corner waiting to be written on. This chapter isn’t the last. It’s only the beginning.
And I can’t wait to see what He has in store.
1st Year Student Blogger